September Trio

Astor Cross

For the moment waylaid, and drawn into a peribolos to gaze. What do you see? A grey pallor that has settled over the city; the green earth which receives it with mercy. And beneath, inside of you? Thrashing and shouting, gnashing. Why? To cast off the slime accrued from days of indolence. Days when I lay flat on my back. And? And stared at the passage of the sun, so lovely burning its arc into the tablet of my eyes. And? And where that burning patterned the sun’s mark forever. Reading? Playing. Notes drawn across a violin in space, an ultraviolet swell of music. That? Bathed the earth, again and again and again.

Shake shake shake shake.

2.

Shake shake shake shake.

Across from William Sherman’s statue, grey evening.

The streets wobble with the last rush of bodies thumping their way home for the evening. She lays her palm flat against his chest and leans in. The high black frozen glass of the buildings puts a rhythm into the canals of the streets.

Shake shake shake shake.

A hot pressing car blocks by, black and turning. The rider and his steed are frozen before their gallop down the avenue. Someone meanly knocks the barrier flat and cuts left, their shoulder flaring down like a spike, down the street.

Waddle.

Shake Shake Shake Shake.

The night’s rhythm slows; the cars accelerate across the streets; the wheels spin faster in their spokes. Silence. A feather uplifts on a current. The rider is frozen in stony paralysis.

Shake shake shake shake.

All the emotions that you call out rock to earth like leaves. A ripple of notes plays off the shell of cars and in my mind. In the breeze and in the streets people mind their steps and flow on.

The dark green hood of the park looms towards the streets. In apathy of the lives that cut a sorrow of trails beneath her she grows up. Tonight the gray sky has faded to blue and, once the blue has melted away, deep indigo with its burst of stars will sing into the night.

Shake shake shake shake.

Grime floats down to the sidewalk.

Movement beneath my feet. Dreamers through tunnels of mycelia, walking dazed and sleeping.

3.

You never came. Remember the nights. You never came. A black light hung on the grass as you dawdled behind and broke off. They tottered out like ducks, pacing to the top of the line. The hill air thinned and their voices circled like inferno. Nights more dead than alive.

A skeleton roasts its ember of smoke.

—Look it’s Moby.

His hand wiggled.

You sat with the sallow room draining from your eyes. They sifted out. Your mouth: welded shut. You broke apart from your soul for—what?—-fear, ignorance, formlessness.

The sky changed from violet to violet. Your life with her began at night. Let us be friends outside of this. What is this would have given out. Question: shovels. You let it swing to rock bottom first.

Dull, nervous, sensitive, sleeping. Neither man nor woman you felt at home with.

—Hey goodbye big dog.

You’re failing. Your life is heading towards poverty, ill mental health and rock bottom. Nightmares shock you awake to ponder more. Your mind grips at the pieces of dark wafting down like snow. Don’t go out. Don’t go out. Don’t go out. Zombie walking back to the kitchen.

You? Walk among charlatans and idiots. You never came. She takes you for a pleasant aside of a man. Every bone in your body decays. Carnations are your eyes. Why do you wait?

—The idea of it, he said, oh it sickens me.

—What was that? mumblespoken

You put your hands on the railing of the balcony and look out. Leaves twist one over the other, curling, twist, flickering. You never came with the joke curling in your blood. Your arteries clog with American food. Your bones will melt off without your having done a thing with your life. Or with.

—One of my favorite stories…

Your controlling reaches forward. To? Say or pad your failures with lesson learned, no mistakes made. The world spins alone.

You never finish. Affection for strangers.

*******

You never came. The crowd of voices around you close in the rooms. You’ve never felt connected to these people. Wearing amity. You could care less about their lives. You’ve always had you and only you in your mind. You enjoyed denigrating others! Is this your apology—to walk around with people you care not about? To make a show of your friendship? Your friendships have all eroded.

All changes; nothing holds. Your body dissolves as you grow up. Your mind wrinkles and bruises. Time passes faster than ever. You’ve started late, very late, and you float around courting pleasure. You never came.

You have no plan, no home, you hide from the world. Today it feels like you are in purgatory: your heart burns up in the cage of your chest. What do you have to be proud of?

You can’t remember. You’ve gone so fast you’ve lost your way. Nothing works. You are coarse, slow, and selfish. You intimidate people.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjbhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The scream still boils in your lungs. It bores into your skin. Nothing is working. The cut ties. All falling apart.

*****

Nothing comes out of nothing. You clip your wings. You drove out to realign your thoughts. Bluepoint, rune.

She left you. You live in this shell of a life. You’ll be reviled by all. You still ——— it doesn’t work. You ruin your life willingly. Your pappi will drop to cement.

What are you? What do you do and whom are you doing it for? Ask yourself these questions. How do you live in peace and happiness? You are dissolving into a sea. You are rocking and melting away.

It goes.

Your mind runs off.

She left home with you.

You walked with her. You stayed all night in her home. Rainbows decayed as you drove.

The slide decays as you drift together. Yes it is the rising in you. It is rising.

She kisses your lips. Do you remember the rushing torrent of love that poured over you like a cascade when you saw her again?

Ahhhhhhhhh.

It comes apart now. It’s all come apart. You’ve spoken your last words together. Do you remember when she used to walk by your side in fall? You two alone together like eggs?

The smell of pale vinegar floated over the area. Yellow, indigo, pale green. He used to hide them for you and you found.

You never came man. You never came. It was true for her.

You believed in each other’s hearts. It comes out in torrents every now and again.

-Room!

-What? How do you say it?

-Room! Don’t make me self conscious about it!

You were first to kiss her lips. You loved her. It grew and distended. You dissolved together.

Are you ever going to achieve your dreams?

Yes.

I walk through a life of disintegrating dreams. She’s coming home and you’re faltering. It all goes so slowly. It all goes so slowly and you’ll never leave, go, come, arrive return. It’s all slipping away. Life and its cold blue currents slip away.

Bluepoint.

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